So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
