Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
