to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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