look no pants
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
