Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
