just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
