I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
