Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
