The maid of honor just puked.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize