End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
