Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
