the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
