And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
