Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
