you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
farters have to be the big spoon...
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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