life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i permit you to call me
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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