yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
