She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
It's just like the Real World with babies
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
