Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Sober January is a disaster.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
