He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
