You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
