so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Drunk walkin through police station. America
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
