yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
