Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
