I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
