My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
