I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
