What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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