quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she told me i tasted like america
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
