Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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