I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
