i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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