I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
how drunk are you?
Several
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
