guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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