Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
