I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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