I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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