so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
