Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Randomize
