you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
