So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
