So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
