$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
