Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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