Soap is not a condiment
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
