I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
