Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
