i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Can I color on your dick again?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
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