Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
