i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I don't deserve a penis
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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