I love black thongs
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
sarcasm needs its own font
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
