Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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