im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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