Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
