Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
