they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
