hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
