i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude i'm inner monologue high
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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